Thursday, 9 March 2023

Nonsense Poems

I lived with a pigeon, a rat, and a mole,

I learned to climb branches, and idled in holes.

We wore straw hatses,

and fought perilous matches,

of tennis in fountains 

with halibut shoals.


I met a man

With many a chin,

Many a chin

to put things in,

So if ever you felt

like a bottle of gin,

He’d fish one out

from the folds of his skin.


I worked in a factory,

that made pockets of summer,

you'd find 8 in the overalls,

of your local plumber.



Thursday, 23 February 2023

How To Service the Skoda Citigo!

Here is how to service your Skoda Citigo. If that is what you truly desire. 
Firstly here are parts and tools you will need. I have included the OEM part numbers, and different brand versions of them. 

PARTS

Oil - VW 504 00 (5w-30/5w-40) Halfords oil is cheapest. You need 4 or 5 litres. 

Oil filter - OEM 04E115561H, i.e. MAHLE OC 977/1, VW AG, MANN-FILTER W 712/95

Spark plugs - OEM 04C905606A,  BOSCH Y7LER02, NGK 96596

Air filter - OEM 04C129620C, Bosch S0285

Sump plug - OEM N90288901 - Sump plugs were a battle for me to find, its M15 x 1.5 L=18.0mm. The GuidePro 333440211 Sump Plug is correct and what I used, even though it doesn't say Skoda Citigo on the pack.

Sump plug washer - OEM N0138157, 

Pollen filter - OEM 1S0819669, Bosch R5573, Mahle LAK 811

To find parts use these websites. 
For OEM codes (in case you don't believe me): Skoda Parts Direct Online Shop | Genuine Skoda Parts


TOOLS

Ratchet wrench 
19mm socket (for removing the sump plug)
10mm socket for removing bolts on spark plug
Spark plug socket deep 16mm 
Oil filter wrench
Torque wrench
T20 Screwdriver 

USEFUL EXTRA INFO

Spark Plug gap is 1.00mm (0.040").  Service interval is 40k miles, no time limit specified.
Spark plug torque is 25Nm.  Best to apply some grease to the thread prior to fitting.

The UP! and Skoda Citigo (and SEAT Mii) are exactly the same. 






First the oil change. 

STEP 1: 
Raise the front of your car.
Either jack it up on both sides and use jack stands. Or if you're like me and you don't have jack stands, drive your car up a ramp of two planks of wood onto some cement blocks. 

STEP 2: Use a 19mm socket to remove sump plug from the pan. (Anticlockwise to loosen)


I am using a hollow rolling pin for extra leverage since the previous person was clearly super strong. 

STEP 3:
Hurrah!




Make sure you have a big container underneath to catch the oil. 

STEP 4:
Try and unscrew the oil filter by hand. It should be possible to undo by hand but life is never as it should be and whoever last serviced your car might have been evil, so buy an oil filter wrench. 
Typically I bought an oil filter wrench and mine came off easily by hand. 


Lots of oil will drain so make sure to catch it. 

STEP 5: 
Wait about 10 minutes for all the oil to drain. 

INTERLUDE: 
If you are like me, and have decided not to replace the entire sump plug, but just the washer, now is the time to realise you can't get the washer off your sump plug because it was overtightened, and to cycle for an hour to eurocarparts to get an entirely new sump plug. (In theory you only have to replace the washer, as it is a crush washer so it moulds to shape to create a perfect seal.)

 
I suppose this is an idiot's guide... because I am an idiot. 


Looks good. 


Do not believe these lies. It fits the Skoda Citigo too. 
Here is proof. 





STEP 6?



Wipe clean the dripping oil around the oil filter and sump plug holes. 

STEP 7:


Dip your finger in some oil and smear it around the gasket of the new filter.

STEP 8:


Screw the new filter on. Do it as tight as you can with one hand. 

Caution: Make sure not to double gasket it. This is when the gasket of the old oil filter gets stuck on the car and then you screw the new one on and there are two gaskets and havoc ensues. Avoid this by checking that your old oil filter definitely still has its gasket. I would feel it because the black oil can look a bit like a gasket. 

STEP 9: 
Screw the new sump plug and washer back in.



STEP 10:
Add the fresh 5w-30 or 5w-40.



Here I am using the daintiest of jugs
Add 2.5l or 3l at first. Then add in quarter litre increments checking the dipstick every time.
Once it is nearly full, run your engine for 3 minutes or so to get the oil back in the oil filter and nooks and crannies. The oil level will go down so turn off your engine and go back and add some more.
In total I added 3.6 litres.
 
Caution: If your car is sloping because you have raised it at the front, the oil level will read low. So don't fill to the maximum mark on your dipstick until your car is on the level.

I was very lucky in that when I lowered my car it was perfectly just below the max marker. 



Next replace the air filter.

STEP 1. 


Locate the air filter. It's the big black box that says MPI on it.

STEP 2: 
Pull out the air hose and take the entire box off the car. 
I couldn't get the hose off so I just unhooked it (its hooked in on the left side, a bit of wiggling and you'll get it loose) and pulled it out as far as I could get it so I could reach the screws at the back. I'll need to get the hose off eventually when I replace the spark plugs but that's a problem for another day.

STEP 3:



Using a T20 screwdriver unscrew the 11 screws on the box. 

STEP 4:

Take the top off and this is what you'll see inside.

STEP 5:



Take out the old air filter. Here is my old air filter versus my new one. 

STEP 6:




Replace the air filter.

STEP 7: 
Screw the top back. 
Make sure you don't accidentally drop any screws into the alternator.


Oh shit...

STEP 8:
Once you've spent far too long sticking a magnet to a pair of tweezers and fishing out your screw, make sure the air filter is securely back in place and you're done. 

I will write about the spark plugs when I have 1. Managed to get my air filter off completely. And 2. Found somebody to lend me a torque wrench.

Friday, 3 February 2023

Job hunting is going very well I'd say.

 




You've charmed me. 

When can I start?



They really expect you to go above and beyond for jobs these days.

Tuesday, 24 January 2023

People can be very silly sometimes, you know that.

 If I’m going to soliloquise, I like to have music.

Siblings are great things. Great inventions. Inventors.

The Williams sisters dominated tennis; the Wright brothers invented the airplane.The Wright brothers decided who would first become airborne on a coin toss. Wilbur won, but attempt failed, so Orville was the first brother airborne. The first man to fly. Luck doesn’t ever mean you will succeed. It just means you won the coin toss. Be gracious. Let others be great too.

Hug your brothers and sisters. Especially if they learn French so they can hobnob with the European aristocracy for you.

What about the Bronte sisters, or the Brothers Grimm? Great writers. Shakespeare gave birth to twins. One of them, Hamnet, died at age 8.

Constance, in Shakespeare’s King John, lamenting his dead son says:

‘I will not keep this form upon my head

when there is such disorder in my wit.’

And it makes me want to cry. It’s as if to say I will not keep denying myself my true emotions.

Another of my favourite lines in poetry is one of Rumi’s poem titles:

‘NO ROOM FOR FORM’

As people, trying to keep ourselves together, we have this concept of form. That we must be strong, or structured, that we must keep going, that we must obey however much we hate it. And then somebody dies, or we fall in love, or we think the world is ending because we’re sure the sky is falling upon our heads and suddenly we realise there is no such thing as form. I’m jealous of all of space and time. It has rules beyond my comprehension.

The hot air balloon’s predecessor was called the passarolla. Dreamt up by a Brazilian Jesuit priest, an unmanned balloon was sent into the air. The Jesuit wrote a piece entitled: A short manifesto for those who are unaware that is possible to sail through the element air.’ As if to say, to all those who has spent their short and squalid lives blissfully ignorant of the possibility that we could be all be floating instead, you are stupid. Here is a short (but no doubt compact in its condescension) manifesto. The first manned hot air balloon was invented by two French brothers. Is there some relation between aeronautics and fraternity? In a demonstration for Louis XVI, they decided to use animals instead, for fear of their lives. So, at the blast of a cannon, at 1 pm, a sheep, duck and cockerel entered the round wicker basket tied to the balloon by a rope and took flight in front of the King.

And what a time to live that must have been! 1783. You’re living in Paris, probably are a peasant, probably suffering from typhoid. Ravel won’t be invented for another hundred years, so you sit in silence with nothing to feel depressed to, and a cockerel gets to go for a trip in a hot air balloon.

The sky, contrary to popular belief, is not made of lemon drops, but people can be very silly sometimes, you know that.